Snow White

is about a white person who loves being white so much that when she finds out someone is whiter than her she tries to kill them so that she can maintain her status as whitest.
But Snow White is so ruthlessly uncontrollably white that she cannot die, and I don’t really remember the rest, but I think it just works out for Snow White on account of how mindblowingly white she is? All the white men around her feel really good about her ultimate whiteness.
All in all, a pretty accurate historical account

Society” is an ambiguous term; it may mean much or nothing. Every human being—unless dwelling alone in a cave—is a member of society of one sort or another, and therefore it is well to define what is to be understood by the term “Best Society” and why its authority is recognized. Best Society abroad is always the oldest aristocracy; composed not so much of persons of title, which may be new, as of those families and communities which have for the longest period of time known highest cultivation. Our own Best Society is represented by social groups which have had, since this is America, widest rather than longest association with old world cultivation. Cultivation is always the basic attribute of Best Society, much as we hear in this country of an “Aristocracy of wealth.
An excerpt from Emily Post’s Etiquette, in which Post unwittingly explains some racism

GIVE IT A LONG SHOOT IN THE DARK

Don’t know if you come on Craigslist at all but here is a shot
I know this is a long shot…
This is a long shot and I can’t believe I’m doing this
I’ve never done this before but I thought I would give it a shot. 
Long shot.
Its a long shot but why not.
Sooo the chances u will ever see this is next to none but i am giving it a shot anyway
Alright, I’ve been thinking about this for 3 weeks now and I figured I might as well gibe it a shot.
LONG SHOT HERE!
Total long shot, but if you ever wanna hang….
Long shot but what the hell
A shot in the dark but hope you read this!
this is a shot in the dark but, I am going to give it a shot… 
This is a long shot, but worth a shot
I know this is a long shoot but here goes nothing. 
Lets give it a shot. 

legsshavve

I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE SHAVING MY LEGS

IT FEELS NICE

IN THE WATER IN THE WIND, IT IS A COOL ASS FEELING

I FEEL LIKE I AM MADE OUT OF FANCY BEDSHEETS OR SOMETIMES LEATHER DEPENDING ON THE WEATHER, ALL BUTTERY AND SUPPLE, TOUCHING MY LEGS AND SAYING “yeah hell yeah that is those are my legs haha hahaha WOW” I FEEL LIKE I’M KICKYKICKING AROUND IN THE CLOUDS LIKE A RADICAL LIPSTICK AIRPLANE, I FEEL LIKE A LIZARD PERSON READY TO LICK MY EYEBALLS IN ECSTATIC WORLD DOMINATION, I FEEL LIKE A TERRIBLE TWO-LEGGED CRAB

SOME PEOPLE DON’T HAVE THAT FEELING AND THEY DON’T LIKE HOW SHAVING MAKES THEM FEEL ON THE INSIDE ON THE OUTSIDE ON ANY EXPRESSIBLE SIDE OR THE SIDE THAT THEY CAN’T FULLY EXPRESS BECAUSE IT’S NOT IN THIS DIMENSION

I USED TO NEVER SHAVE MY LEGS TO PISS PEOPLE OFF WHO WERE ASSHOLES ABOUT LEGSHAVING, THEY DESERVE TO HAVE A SHITTY FEELING, AND IT WAS ALWAYS NICE TO BE THE PERSON TO GIVE THEM THAT SHITTY FEEL

EVERYBODY SHOULD GET TO DO WHATEVER THE HECK THEY WANT WITH THEIR BODY HAIR WITH THEIR BODY ODY

NO SEMI-FEMINIST FOLK GET TO TALK ABOUT HOW WOMEN SHAVING IS WRONG AND INFANTILIZING

NO PATRIARCHAL FOLK GET TO TALK ABOUT HOW MEN SHAVING IS WRONG AND FEMINIZING

EVERYONE CAN SHUT THEIR MOUTHS ABOUT QUEER FOLK AND THEIR BODY HAIRS AND WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT IT

Why You’re Not Married

I’m super inspired by this article on HuffPo, Why You’re Not Married, an article explaining to women who want to get married the precise reasons why they aren’t yet.  I’ve decided to redress the reasoning with my own language, to help break it down a little!  So here goes:

1. Men are dumb and you scare them 

Every modern woman knows that men are just complete idiots, it’s obvious from commercials, sitcoms, romcoms, and the ancient anti-wisdom of our stupid stupid forefathers.  If you think you’re smart, try to act dumber so that you can catch a dumb husband and y’all can be dumb as heck together, and you can roll your eyes when he breaks the vacuum cleaner because he doesn’t know how to do anything, and he will laugh at you when you can’t figure out what’s wrong with the car because you also don’t know how to do anything.

2. Why won’t you just settle already

 Quit caring so much.  You want to get married, so you just need to find someone who also wants to do that.  Desperately seek out fellow desperation without regard to anything else.  You don’t find them attractive?  You don’t have a lot of common interests? You disagree with them on some fundamental level that you can’t see yourself reconciling with?  Shut up. They want to get married and so do you, so get over yourself.

3.  Biologically, you can’t enjoy sex unless there are wedding bells

 The original article breaks this into two reasons, but it’s just one: There are brain chemicals that make you really attached to anyone you have sex with or breastfeed, so don’t bang or breastfeed a lot of people, because it will make you crazy when you don’t get to marry them.

4. Quit thinking about yourself, you vain bitch

So basically, the thing about single people is that they are thinking about themselves all the time.  You need to stop.  If you can’t make yourself stop on your own, get a baby so that you have to think about that thing some of the time.  This will prepare you for the manbaby which, as discussed in 1, is what you’re going to get.  Don’t tell any potential husbands that you got a baby to prepare yourself for marriage, this smart plan might scare them.

5. Man up

Men understand marriage because they hate it, they’d rather just be banging anything and everything, messing up a billion ladies’ brain chemicals with their crazy ding dongs.  Women have been huffing Cinderella stories since the age of 5, so we don’t understand how much it’s going to suck.  You’re going to have to do LAUNDRY and COOK and you’re going to have to do it all alone because your hubby is gonna be BUSY making fart noises with his armpits and doing impressions of Peter Griffin.  We all have our jobs in a marriage, and after all you love each other.  And one day you’re going to sit down on the couch with him and watch one of those dysfunctional family sitcoms and you’re going to laugh and then you’re going to cry and cry and cry and scare the crap out of your idiot husband.

6. You live in a crummy place

Maybe you bypassed all this hetero-normative bullshit by just being gay*.  That’s an easy way to avoid it!  Unfortunately people are pissed, so they’re not going to let you get married.  Until you can establish distinctive trope-ish ways that same sex couples disrespect the heck out of each other and make each other miserable, the straight powers that be ain’t having it.  Step it up, Autostraddle.
 
*and not into the butch/femme scene, I should mention.  admittedly i know nothing about the butch/femme dynamic, but I imagine that the sharp distinction in gender expression allows for the replication of some hetero-normative P R O B L E M S. 

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